Sunday, August 18, 2013

Upon the Wall


One hand flitted through the once auburn hair.
Twirling it about her finger as she once did in school when pressed with hard questions.
Her eyes float over the pictures hung upon the wall.
That one of her at thirty seems familiar but she's not quite sure.
However, the woman is a stunner; she wishes she were as well.

Memories come and go like buses on a busy street
She never catches one and remembers her mother's words.
Don't run or fret yet. Patience wins in the end.
She once believed such words but her patience now grown quite worn.

She gives a shrug that finger still tightly entwined within her thinning locks.
A feeling comes and she believes it means hunger.
But, she has long since forgotten what those urges really mean.
She pushes to her full stature now a mere 4 foot 10.
Back in the day it was 5 foot two.

The curve in her back forces her head to hang low.
 No matter her destination she only sees her feet.
The feet of a dancer who long ago twirled,
Across a stage meant for only her and the watching world.

She no longer remembers the steps of those dances.
But when a sweet melody catches on the wind,
Her small frame begins to subtly swim through the air.
Becoming one with the music no one else is able to hear.

As she shuffles along a brief glimpse of present reality flashes in her mind's eye.
The children are all gone and she will no doubt, soon die.
A quick turn towards the kitchen, cupboards carefully peeled open.
A soft sigh crosses her dry lips as the hope she had upon entering is put to rest.

Only one can of food remains causing a mental debate.
Is she really hungry enough to eat this now?
The aide won't be by for three more days
And the social security and food stamps don't go a long way.
The can remains seated on the shelf for dire need.

Her hands dig through the ten bottles of medicine the doctor swears she needs.
If only the medicine were cheaper there might be some food to spare and perhaps a new plant.
The plants had been her passion an outpouring of her love in green's full bloom.
Those no longer hung across the living room.

The lids are easy open but a full twenty minutes it takes her to unclasp each one.
Counting out the pills once, twice, thrice each.
There is nothing of import in the refrigerator to wash them down with.
Instead a shaky hand fills a cup with rusted tap water then brings it to thin lips.

Swallowing down her only hope,
To stay alive long enough to see her children's faces.
To hear their laughter and voices once more light up this dreary space.
To once more feel the pull of her lips that places a smile upon her face.

She knows though they won't be coming.
Her aide the only face she sees now.
She shuffles back to her armchair well medicated now.
The pangs of hunger still annoy every once in a while.

Her mind slips back into the now normal fog.
It is easier this way to remember nothing at all.
Nothing to long for or be saddened by.
And another day passes as it has every other day before

Alone in her chair watching shadows play down the hall
Once more wondering who that stunner in the picture was that still hangs upon the wall...

~Divine Chaos

© Copyright 2013, Copyrighted.com Heather M. as Divine Chaos All Rights Reserved.

Photo Credit: Viktor Lyagushkin

Saturday, August 17, 2013

Feathered Dreams


Sleep permeates my being on a cellular level

Leaving me listless and barely responsive

Nighttime comes swiftly these days

Although waking comes much sooner

Dreams no longer mean anything

They are not even remembered upon groggily waking

The day begins with one minute melting into the next

Then finally again this small fragile bird 

Once more searches out the nest

Familiar leaves and twigs entwined tight against the wind

Only for the rain to drop the bottom out again

Thank you Mother Nature for wings that span the horizon

But why must these other dwellers build into my sky

Another tree found and the building of a nest begins anew

Then as before, sleep permeates my feathered body on a cellular level.

Tonight though it will be different

I will wake and mark my dreams upon the nest's walls

Stories for my younglings to take into the world

Making the long flights of these wings immortal.

~Divine Chaos

© Copyright 2013, Copyrighted.com Heather M. as Divine Chaos All Rights Reserved
.
Photo Credit: Nikol Vizioli

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Dusk


As the sun begins to set pink clouds shroud his arrival with dusk

I steal one last glimpse of the beauty above then slip back and slam the door tight

Darting to each window securing each lock

Blinds pulled down and curtains drawn close

The lamps hastily off not one drop of light invades this self-made coffin

Standing in the middle of the room I no longer hear the birds with songs

The crickets have left

Even the mosquitoes are gone

I take to the couch and curl into a ball

Soft velour cover pulled and snaked tight about my frame

A weak shield from him and his dark games

Moments seem like lifetimes as I sit and pray

That for once this will be the day

That he has forgotten where I live and wishes not my mind to play

Slumber sets in when I let down my guard for only an eye's blink 

Dreams begin but nightmares soon invade

He once again has found my secret space

The walls of my mind expand to meet the expectations of his demons

I succumb to the torture throughout the evening

Tighter I curl into a fetal position

My shield has slipped free now belonging to the floor

In repose I whimper but on he goes

Then  mercy imposes with dawn's breaking light

His back turns abruptly and he disappears from sight

I wake in a sweat, sleep clinging to my skin

But tonight he will return to begin this all once again...

~Divine Chaos

© Copyright 2013, Copyrighted.com Heather M. as Divine Chaos All Rights Reserved.

Photo Credit: Aphostol

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Character Snippet ~ Zoey 101 (Part 2)


She woke in decent spirits, only a nagging urge to use the bathroom. Rolling from the bed as only a spry seven-year old can. One hand swipes away the sleep from the corner of her almond-shaped eyes. The other hand, after walking the few paces to the door, fell upon the knob. Fingers curled about the dull brass, twisting then jerking. Realization quickly sets in as she begins to do her little jig. This dance has become routine, executed with a dancer's ability as her hand slips up from the doorknob and curls into a small fist, which begins to bang on the door. 

"Dad. Daaaaaaaad? Daddy! I gotta go, please."

The continuous banging of her fist accompanied by the panic edged voice is the perfect cacophony to awaken even the dead. Apparently, this usual morning routine has once more paid off as she hears a familiar footfall followed by the scraping of the small latch being unhinged. She steps back and crosses her legs and buries her hands between her thighs as she waits for the door to  push inwards allowing her escape to the bathroom less than 300 feet away. He says nothing as her eyes settle upon him then dart to the bathroom door. He steps left and she sprints across the hall to find relief.

As she finishes, washing her hands then brushing her teeth, she hears him move back into his room. Drying her hands off before returning to her room she smiles to herself glad to be free and hear the familiar noises of him picking out his suit for the day. She crosses back to her room and begins digging through drawers to find something to wear. 

It makes no difference anyhow, all the kids at school shun her. Even though she wore the best of all brands and tried to be friendly she always found herself the victim of ridicule and loneliness. She never quite figured out why but it never stopped her from thinking that today would be the day she made it through a whole day of school happy and content.

~Divine Chaos

© Copyright 2013, Copyrighted.com Heather M. as Divine Chaos All Rights Reserved.

Photo Credit: James Jean

Monday, August 12, 2013

Sometimes


Every now and again it occurs to me 
what you and I were; will never again be.

Every now and then I remember your smile
But that rarely happens now, just every once in awhile.

Every now and again I see you in a crowd
when I begin to move forward, I remember such acts are no longer allowed
.
Every now and then I end up in our favorite spot
Then I remember all the things our love was not.

Every now and again I think about you
and now I sigh with relief that what once was has come to an end.

~Divine Chaos

© Copyright 2013, Copyrighted.com Heather M. as Divine Chaos All Rights Reserved.

Photo Credit: Brian Viveros

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Play On


My dreams feel like the warmth of our entangled thoughts.

My dreams look like your wild abandon.

My dreams taste like raindrops on your skin.

My dreams sound like the beat of your heart
.
My dreams with you my proudest sin.

My dreams repeat each moment of the day
.
Play on.

~Divine Chaos

© Copyright 2013, Copyrighted.com Heather M. as Divine Chaos All Rights Reserved.

Photo Credit:Zena Holloway

Monday, August 5, 2013

Justin Bieber Reminds Us to Dream

Justin Bieber enters his dream at the Verizon Center

I know you read that title and thought I was SEO tracking, but I'm not. This weekend Justin Bieber reminded me of an important aspect of our dreams. I had the pleasure of going to see him with my eight year old daughter at the Verizon Center in Washington D.C. this past Saturday. At one point during the concert, Justin's voice cut through the cacophony of squealing teenage girls to thank all his family and fans. I believe his exact quote was, "I want to thank all of you here. Because of you I am living my dream."

At that very moment I thought that's it; that's my next post. Because I so often forget that my dreams are my own, but to an extent  without the support and help of those who love me and believe in my dreams I probably could not sustain those dreams. How many times do we all forget all the people who have helped make our dreams possible? We all obviously count our family and friends who have helped us in immeasurable and obvious ways. I know I can easily name those who are close to me that have helped me on my list of dreams, big and small.

What I often fail to remember is the minor players in the act that is my life. There have been times when a bus I am on is running late. I sit there in frustration, jaw clenched knowing I am not going to make the connecting bus, which now means I will be late walking into class. If I walk into class late I feel as though I am interrupting the professor and all eyes are on me. By the time I get to the only seat left way in the back I feel like a one man marching band making noise along the way. Then I get settled and I realize I have no idea what this professor is talking about because I've missed the slide show and introductory lecture making me wonder why I just didn't say eff this class and go study in the library until my next class begins.

But then something wonderful happens. I get off the one bus mumbling under my breath. My connecting bus is pulling off and there I am on the corner to give an angered send off when the bus stops and the driver waves me over. The driver, who has sen me nearly every day for two years, remembers my face not only stops but waits for the light to change so I can safely cross the street. When I climb the steps he smiles broadly and speaks while pulling off, "You know I wouldn't pull off without you." I thank him profusely and apologize for holding the bus up thankfully to make this gift better, there is still a seat--I won't have to stand.

See, it is the little people I often forget, I have a million little anecdotes which run this same gambit and it was Justin Bieber who reminded me of that this weekend. I may not have a symphony of teenage girls cheering me on, but I do have my own personal league of fans that includes the bus driver, the cashier who moves the line quickly, the neighbor who stops to ask how I am, the mail carrier who brings me some bit of hope in a letter, and countless others. I don't stop often enough to think of them until hindsight kicks in.

And that my friends is what the swaggy, Justin Bieber taught me this weekend. To remember that each person, even the naysayer who I feel compelled to prove wrong; is playing a part in my dreams. Each time one of you reads a post you are progressing my dreams. So for every family member who has stood beside and behind me, for every friend who has listened to my good and bad, to all the nameless strangers in my day-to-day life, and to each of you who find something here of enough worth to read till the end--I thank you. A million times over, I thank you, And for those who have forgotten to thank you for your major or minor roles in their dream's success, I thank you on their behalf because it has somehow led me to you personally and virtually.

And lastly, for my own pure enjoyment, a picture of me and my Punky at the concert where I was reminded to thank all the players in my dreams...


~Divine Chaos
© Copyright 2013, Copyrighted.com Heather M. as Divine Chaos All Rights Reserved.
Photo Credit: The Chaos herself.