Dusk

As the sun begins to set pink clouds shroud his arrival with dusk

I steal one last glimpse of the beauty above then slip back and slam the door tight

Darting to each window securing each lock

Blinds pulled down and curtains drawn close

The lamps hastily off not one drop of light invades this self-made coffin

Standing in the middle of the room I no longer hear the birds with songs

The crickets have left

Even the mosquitoes are gone

I take to the couch and curl into a ball

Soft velour cover pulled and snaked tight about my frame

A weak shield from him and his dark games

Moments seem like lifetimes as I sit and pray

That for once this will be the day

That he has forgotten where I live and wishes not my mind to play

Slumber sets in when I let down my guard for only an eye's blink 

Dreams begin but nightmares soon invade

He once again has found my secret space

The walls of my mind expand to meet the expectations of his demons

I succumb to the torture throughout the evening

Tighter I curl into a fetal position

My shield has slipped free now belonging to the floor

In repose I whimper but on he goes

Then  mercy imposes with dawn's breaking light

His back turns abruptly and he disappears from sight

I wake in a sweat, sleep clinging to my skin

But tonight he will return to begin this all once again...

~Divine Chaos

© Copyright 2013, Copyrighted.com Heather M. as Divine Chaos All Rights Reserved.

Photo Credit: Aphostol

Summer's Defeat

Summer is now officially half over--according to my kiddos. Only six weeks left to do my best to cram as many fun-filled activities as I can on a budget that daily curses those who believe $8.45 an hour is overpay. The youngest, eight going on twenty-three, has explained to me in no uncertain terms that I am slacking. Apparently, I am not quite cool enough to grasp this eight year old's take on the summers of the 21st century as opposed to my summers of the oh-so-long-ago 20th century.

I won't lie, I was a bit taken back. Me, no longer cool? Unthinkable, unfathomable, quite unheard of. But alas, I have to admit that when I look at the other cooler, hipper, better paid parents I do seem quite drab. I am not in a place to head out each weekend to a new amusement park. I don't have the resources to join the local pool for a $600+ share to allow me a summer of sitting with parents who are with it. And to top it all off, anything that is in my price range seems to fall under the no-way-in-hell-am-I-doing-that-old-people-crap category. As much as I would like to, I just am not a wealthy woman when we are speaking monetarily and quite honestly, it's a bit disheartening. As a parent you wish you could whip your children off on every commercialized fantasy they see on television, but that simply is not my reality. The weight of this reality evoked a defeated sigh.

I became entrenched within a vision of me in a muumuu, red with enormous violet flowers. It, of course, had the two very deep and might I add convenient pockets to cart my glasses, false teeth, kleenex, and ill-gotten Sweet N' Low packets. My hair was thinning and a drab grey because of course I am to old to worry about my hair nor can I afford the box of Clairol to hide the grey. Not that it would matter, I wouldn't be able to read the directions because I will have forgotten where my glasses are. I'd find them an hour later though--I'm hoping.

This elaborate nightmare continued and I was -jeez- I don't even want to write it but I was....fat. Not just little old lady in a green polyester suit fat, no; this was morbidly obese. I am assuming from the many mornings spent at McDonald's getting breakfast and my free senior citizen's coffee on the side. Other seniors speak to me but I continuously forget mid sentence what my point was and just wave a hand as I suck on my gums since I have forgotten to Poligrip those dentures in on this particular morning. Eventually, I regain my train of thought and interrupt everyone in the vicinity to ramble on about the kids these days and how it was when I was knee high to a cricket.

It was about this time my daughter noticed my glazed eyes and open mouth and began poking me repeatedly. I snapped out of my horrific reverie and plastered a smile across my lips for her benefit. I didn't bother to explain what I was thinking despite her nagging. I just grabbed her small hand and wandered over to the dining room table and sat her down while we looked through some local family publications and the web for a Friday night outing that was by her terms--cool. We finally found one that was acceptable and affordable which pleased me to no ends because I was once again the owner of the cool factor.

Unfortunately though, this same scenario will be repeated again, too many times before school starts back up on August 26. And each time I will feel inferior and somewhat of a failure. I am sure my outlandish visions will be replayed, only the next time will have never before seen, extended, director's cut scenes included. I will do my best to once more soothe the savage beast that is a summer child without comparing myself to other parents. However, I am a comparer; so I will most certainly compare myself to her friend's parents in my mind and dread the first week back to school when every child is chock full of exuberance and stories about their summer. And once again my defeated sigh will get lost upon the stomping footfall of a child who has yet to learn the evils of money, parenting, and the world at large,

~DivineChaos

© Copyright 2013, Copyrighted.com

Photo Credit: No Place by Chris-tel

Mindshift

How I ended up here is a mystery
looking over a shoulder no path is left behind

Gaze shifts forward unable to cut through the brush
swaying for a moment in the warm embrace of dusk

Body puddles into a neat mess upon the unkempt grass
mind clouded by fear's heavy grasp

Dizzying are the thoughts that kick up the winds of nightmares past
choking to breathe the heart skips a beat

Ears prick suddenly at the whisper of tiny feet
shifting to the side curled into a crescent

The fairies appear with a dim glow
fluttering overhead their dust drifting like snow

Calm now is the body in sweet repose
kept under moonbeams that light the way

For dreams and wishes to come out to play
time moves so quickly it seems

Shooing away the last vestige of dreams
stretching out the kinks eyes finally blink

Forgetting so quickly the alternate universe
to stand now again on solid ground

The fairies have left, nowhere to be found
a sigh settles upon the morning breeze

The dream world, once more,has set you free.

~DivineChaos

© Copyright 2013, Copyrighted.com

Photo Credit: Endless Waiting

 

 

 

Blur

Again it starts like any other day,

I wake up to find myself in yet another haze.

Conditions to be met, obligations to be kept.

Unknown people to hurt me still to be met.

The shackle around my ankle feels tighter today

The board across my shoulders feels more tightly strung.

The spirit within feels more tightly wound.

Wading through fog, no clear end in sight

No clear distinction of wrong nor right

The day slips on into another fret filed night.

Nightmares and Monsters pay once again their respects

Etched upon the soul the evils they wrought and spent.

Tragic are the losses, lackluster are the wins

In this game called life there is only one end.

And each man will choose his life's personal sin.

Another night rolls into day stirring up the dust upon the winds.

No way to win and no way to play, the game evolves  for those willing to still play

The lines  blur between reality and fantasy this and every day,

Narrow are my soles that walk the blurred line

Is it even possible to find the destination in time?

Go! Advance! Push with force.

Cry a little louder, try a little harder, walk just a bit farther.

Forget there are no loved ones' arms to surround you

Just the ones waiting for your fall so your mind will be bound to your failures.

The blurred lines  never end, and once more a new day begins.

The haze as always has again settled in...

~DivineChaos

© Copyright 2013, Copyrighted.com

Photo Credit: Google Images